Age: Jenn Berman, author of The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy, Confident Kids, says, “It’s never too early for a playdate for a child, even an infant. Babies are fascinated by other babies, and any new stimulation is really good for brain development. Even looking at another child, touching hands, and just being curious is really good.”
For toddlers, the age of the other children doesn’t really matter. Based on her experience with her own kids, Bianco says most kids will find some value in spending time with another child even if their ages don’t match. It’s not until they get a little older, around the age of 5, that a child begins to show preference for spending time with others closer in age.
Gender: “Playdates are a great opportunity for your child to interact with the other gender,” Berman says. “It really doesn’t matter if you arrange a playdate with a child of the opposite sex until your child says it does.” And that usually doesn’t happen, Berman says, until the child is older.
Frequency: “Twice a week is a nice number,” Berman says. But she cautions not to go overboard and to avoid the tendency to over-schedule your kids.
“I don’t like to see a child having a playdate seven days a week,” Berman says. “We live in a society that doesn’t value people spending time on their own, but that’s an important skill to learn, even for toddlers.”
Bianco, a working mom, says once every couple of weeks works for her and her family’s busy schedule. The trick is to find a balance that works for you and keeps your kids happy.
Location: It’s good to have a combination of locations for playdates; new places mean new learning experiences for your child.
Berman says, “It’s a great experience for a child to see another child’s house and see how they live. It’s also good to have someone visit your house so your child can learn to welcome his friends into his home.”
There’s also nothing wrong with neutral ground, Berman says. Parks, playgrounds, and centers that host playgroups are all good options for playdate ideas.
Length: Two hours is the magic number for Bianco and her kids. That’s just enough time to play, have a snack, take a break, and play again before wrapping things up.
Reciprocity: The correct way to handle playdates is to make sure you reciprocate with other moms.
“If you host a playdate at your house, then it’s only fair that the mom and child offer the same invitation to you and your child,” Bianco says. “We’ve had playdates with my daughter’s friend at our home but have never received an invitation in return. So my daughter keeps asking, ‘Why can’t I play over at her house?'”
This especially rings true for busy, working parents like Bianco, who rearranges her schedule to make time for a playdate and likes it when other moms reciprocate.